Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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