Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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