I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
