you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
