I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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