So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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