I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
