so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize