My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize