I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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