the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
