I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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