you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
