Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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