Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i wish my penis had a tongue
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I did not marry a roomba.
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