Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
