I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize