So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
