My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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