Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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