thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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