So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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