once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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