Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
