508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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