And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize