I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
