and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
