I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
