Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
