Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
