...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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