If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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