I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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