I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize