found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
