We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
