you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
