The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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