I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
