If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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