My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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