nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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