Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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