so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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