I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
