Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
