i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
