I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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