Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
