i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize