This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
