At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you never un-have a 4some
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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