Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
