if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
sex in a hospital.. check
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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