Cold hands, warm shart.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
