Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When did angry sex become our thing?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
