This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
