I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
