i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
