omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
