a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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