i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
